Summary:

 

No ZA AU. Daryl finds Ed Peletier, a new buyer for he and his brother. And then he meets the Mrs and discovers his need for a new kind of fix.

Rated: E
Categories: Alternate Universe
Characters: None
Genres: Angst
Warnings: Adult Language, Carol/Other (Temp), Drug Use, Sexual Situations, Violence
Series: None
Chapters: 33 Completed: Yes
Word count: 62626 Read: 22011
Published: January 06, 2015 Updated: February 27, 2015

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1. Client by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 22] (1703 words)

You don't even know what she tastes like
and she will flavor your entire night.
Every other girl will be; Not her.
Every song will sound like; Not her.
Dancing will just be moving around other people who are;
Not her.
 - Lily Myers, Zach Goldberg, and Evan Okun - "We Made It"

2. Hate by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 16] (1362 words)

Like I said... this story is going to be VERY different than anything I've written before.

I am a stubborn mess
I am spilled milk and crying about it
I am the captain of an ever-sinking ship.
 -Kait Rokowski "New Insults"

3. Guilt by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 11] (1389 words)

Warning: Talk of character deaths in more detail. Including child death.

I think a lot about killing myself
Not like a point on a map
But rather like a glowing exit sign
At a show that's never been quite bad enough
To make me want to leave.
 - Neil Hilborn "The Future"

4. Dreams by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 9] (1456 words)

Almost held failed potential

That it represented our ability
To be just not good enough
That we had come to the brink
Of something beautiful so many times
That we crafted a word for it.
 - Bianca Phipps "Almosts"

5. Fire by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 12] (1997 words)

This one caused me some issues and a couple more rewrites than usual, but our journey is dark. Carol is hurting and angry and she is posssibly just as messed up and wrecked as Daryl is, but she isn't acknowledging it. We're building to a big catalyst moment, but we have to wade through this first.

Broken knuckles
Knocked out teeth
Jetting rivers
Scars on the map of jawbone
Are real here.
When the neighborhood labels your blood; Beast
Don't take it personally
Crochet
Bake cookies
Fly a kite
 - Desireé Dallagiacomo "Notes on Loving a Five-Time Felon"

6. Candids by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 11] (1881 words)

Camera snapping
Eyelids flapping
The darkest darks
And the brightest brights
 - Sarah Kay "Extended Development

7. Fight by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 11] (2400 words)

My depression is a shape shifter
One day it is as small as a firefly
In the palm of a bear
The next its the bear.
On those days I play dead
until the bear leaves me alone.
 - Sabrina Benaim "Explaining My Depression to My Mother"

8. Triggers by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 12] (1163 words)

There is always more suffering
But only one death
Only death
And what does that even mean
When you've been killed so many times before
 - Amaris Diaz "Shrapnel"

9. Disgusting by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 11] (2129 words)

Warning: This is a continuation of the Carol/Ed scene. Abuse/Sexual assault undertones/drug use is contained. I must remind you that this is a very dark story.

Disclaimer: I still do not own TWD and am not making any money from writing any of this.

10. Severed by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 9] (1560 words)

Heavy stress writing. My Grandfather's surgery starts in about ten minutes and I am unable to be at the hospital waiting because I have to be home with my daughter. So - please excuse if there are more errors than usual in this. Editing read-throughs were difficult. That being said - expect more angst. And as a Dixon-heavy chapter, a good bit of Dixon mouth.

What if it's not just a mole?
What if it's a flesh eating virus?
What if I fail at life?
But what if it really is the rapture this time?
What if they hit us again?
What if I wake one morning to see planes scraping skies again?
What if it's me this time?
And I think wow. It must be exhausting to want to live this much.
 - Catalina Ferro "Anxiety Group"

11. Weakness by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 11] (2004 words)

Warning:More physical abuse in this chapter. Also - Ed is a dick. The end.

In my family there is always a kitchen
In the kitchen there are always women
And in the woman, there is always fear.
Fear that this time the recipe won't work
That the man will leave his meal unfinished
That the man's stomach will find pleasure in someone else's home.
That she has served him too much, or not enough.
That he is already too full or hungry for something else.
And that it will be the woman's fault.
 - Jenesis Fonseca "The Way to a Woman's Heart"

12. Sparks by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 11] (1176 words)

Warning: A taste of Fluff. ;)

13. Pretending by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 8] (2568 words)

From behind bloody lips and monster fangs
his ragged breath peaks out
and it is the only human thing about him.
And she runs over to suck it in like a drowning woman.
 - Joanna Hoffman "Breathe"

14. Hellfire by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 13] (1600 words)

Warning: Strong sexual talk in an instance. Lots of biblical reference in this one. I am not trying to make fun of religion in any way, just show how an abuser can twist it to try to use to his advantage, and how Carol speaks and thinks of it is how Ed has painted it all for her.

You watch a sunset too often
it just becomes 6 PM
You make the same mistake over and over
you'll stop calling it a mistake.
If you just wake up
wake up
wake up
wake up
wake up
wake up
one day you'll forget why.
 - Phil Kaye "Repetition"

15. Escape by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 17] (2097 words)

Warning: Physical abuse again.

"You may be the heroes of your own epics

but the world is full of seven billion stories

all climbing over one another to see sunlight.

Odds are -
Odds are, I'd be a zombie.

Stumbling in unison with masses of bloodthirsty monsters.
You will be buried under cries.
This time Jonah will die in the belly of the wale.
This time Noah's ship will sink.
You will watch the world burn from within the flames."
 - UC Berkeley "Apocalypse"

This chapter is the start of a story arc brought to you completely through a suggestion by CarolPeletier. She is my amazing sounding board and plot-talker-througher. A big thank you her way.

16. Villains by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 12] (2236 words)

There was no secret I didn't tell him
There was no moment I didn't share
We didn't grow up, we grew in
Like ivy, wrapping

molding each other into perfect yings and yangs.

 - Sarah Kay "Private Parts"

17. Okay by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 9] (1549 words)

Believe me, we all wish the war was over
But friend -
You are staring at a world on fire
complaning about how ugly the ashes are
 - Brenna Twohy "Another Rape Poem"

18. Give by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 13] (2545 words)

We kissed with mouths open
Breathing his exhale into my inhale
We could've survived under water
Or outer space
Living only off the breath we traded.
We spelled love
G-I-V-E
 - Sarah Kay "Private Parts"

And here we have.... the smut warning.

19. Conversation by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 12] (1663 words)

This sadness is not an easy one
This conversation is not an easy one
But easy and worthwhile
Are not Synonymns
 - Ollie Renee Schminkey "Two Twin Beds"

20. Friendship by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 13] (1403 words)

Ever since then I have envied you
How you are remembered for towering
Unclaimed potential
Instead of living to look regret in the face
 - Doc Luben "Bug Versus Door"

21. Ashes by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 9] (1573 words)

Born of buckshot
Cannon fire
Smooth aim.
Bullseyes and beer can crates.
From push woman.
Don't be a sissy.
From I didn't raise some cupcake,
now quit your crying
or I'll give you something to cry about.
I am from having something to cry about
but biting down hard.
 - Jeanann Verlee "Brawler"

22. Clothes by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 14] (1176 words)

Just because I can not comit the act of small talk
does not mean I don't have huge things to say.
Just because I find peace within myself
does not mean I could ever stop wanting to love so hard
 - Kevin Yang - "How to Love Your Introvert"

23. Found by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 11] (2092 words)

A relationship's best moments
Are fleeting flashes of perfect
The untenable hold of joy
This is about those less than ideal moments
The time when we are simply human
 - Jesse Parent "Hotbox Love"

24. Disguise by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 9] (2319 words)

I learned how to make this urgent flame
Look like a lantern.
How to make this hurricane alarm
Come out like a poem.
If you think I am brave
It is because you have never seen me
Out of Costume
 - Brenna Twohy "In Which I Do Not Fear Harvey Dent"

25. Breathe by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 12] (2151 words)

Tell me of the knife
But make it pretty
Tell me of the collar bone
Reaching out of the skin
Like a branch
But make it soft
 - Michael Lee "Just Yesterday"

26. Princess by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 8] (1767 words)

I felt guilty about leaving things the way we did, especially after last night. So since this chapter was done already... here - 2 in one day. *nervous smile*

Taking apart Legos
is like giving a blowjob to someone you hate.
Sometimes
you have to use your teeth.
 - Bobby Crawford & Kieran Collier "Legos (Unfinished Masterpieces)"

27. Meetings by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 11] (1950 words)

The best way to overcome a fear of the Ocean
Is to become one
It is impossible to drown in yourself
So I still find myself drinking for days
Attempting to make a life raft from hollow bottles
Recycled fears
And empty promises

 - William Giles "Ursula"

28. Blood by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 10] (1670 words)

Warning: Heavy abuse chapter

You are the dragon

Something huge and powerful
And impossible to tame
Quit eating your own face
You can set the world on fire
All you have to do is breathe
 - Portland Poetry Slam "Choose Your Own Adventure"

29. Clean by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 12] (2083 words)

It is so easy
To talk about what a shame it is
When you've never had to feel ashamed
Of claiming the word Survivor
 - Ollie Renee Schminkey "Two Twin Beds"

30. Partners by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 8] (2479 words)

Violence replaced with love
One that springs growth
Reminiscing about the dangerous
scenes of the past
Can allow a new path.
 - "Self-Destruction" Jeff Abiera

31. Trials by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 12] (2359 words)

Your pain, or any pain
Isn't worth any more
Than the words we can dig up
To describe it

32. Memories by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 10] (3043 words)

She's gonna learn
That this life will hit you
Hard
In the face
Wait for you to get back up
So it can kick you in the stomach
But getting the wind knocked out of you
Is the only way to remind your lungs
How much they like the taste of air.
 - Sarah Kay "B"

Warning: Abuse/Violence. Italics are Dreams/Flashbacks Regular text is real time

33. Family by TheWalkingCaryl [Reviews - 13] (2083 words)

When you first wake up
You are beautiful
When you've just been crying
You are beautiful
When you don't want to hear it
You are beautiful
When you don't believe it
You are beautiful
When nobody else will tell you
You are beautiful
Love still thinks...
You are beautiful
 - Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye "When Love Arrives"